Broken Heart

really a firefly Saturday, October 21, 2006

here i am in singapore again…. really a firefly… sigh… problem occur at the time when it is most crucial to the company… i have got big customer testing the internet connection, all was well and then the connection become unstable… sigh….

Gone again!!!! Tuesday, October 17, 2006

i feel like i am a firefly… one moment in here, and then the next moment i am gone… maybe that is what i am……. sigh… good bye… and take care…

Back!!! Monday, October 16, 2006

here i am, back to singapore again for another meeting… although i am here again, i doubt there are any chances at all. thing are not looking good, still no news though… sigh….

thing in the business also not so good. just applying for putting equipment in the MPTC, the work which should be FOC, people asking for a fee of $10,000 USD… what the hell. he can go and die… i will make sure that he will not get away with it…. damn him

How are you? Thursday, October 5, 2006

how are you now? are you feeling better? i didnt get to see you… seem like we are not fated to see each other at all. i am sorry… hope you get well soon

10 August 2006 Thursday, August 10, 2006

the anniversary is gone now, next come my laopo birthday…. which is coming in one weeks time. anyway there is a lot of stress lately regarding the company, and most important of all, i still havent got any contact from my laopo yet… maybe we should move on? is there no chance for us to be together again? i hope there is a chance for us to be together… because i love you

09 August 2006 Wednesday, August 9, 2006

the progress in the company is moving forward…. within these few days i actually complete afew deal which bring in the benefit to the company…. hopefully nothing crop up… or else i will die…. happy anniversary laopo. wo ai ni….

Flying back!!!! Friday, August 4, 2006

going to fly back tomorrow after i finish my business in singapore today…. good bye singapore… i will be back again…. hopefully i can meet my laopo during my next trip.. although i dunt have anything to say to her after what i did. but i do longing to meet her… hopefully you will be bale to see or read this blog… i want you to know that i still love you, and i want you to know how much that love is…. wo ai ni

Flying again Wednesday, August 2, 2006

I am going to fly to singapore again….. maybe for afewday… for another business meeting. maybe i should just go back to her and meet her on my business trip???? sound really unfair to her, but that is the only chance to meet. i doubt she want that though….. now i dont even know if she still want me… or has she forgotten me already??? wo ai ni

30th july 2006 Sunday, July 30, 2006

time really fly, it has been exactly 7 months since i left you…. during these period, i really miss you alot…. i still remember all the sweet memory that you have given me, remember all the thing that has happen to us…. i shown a video clips of KISS (MTV of the korean song) to a friend and was telling him, why would the guys donate 2 of his cornea when he can just donate one side of his cornea to her and then both of them can be together. then my friend say something that catch my attention… his answer is “maybe he have decide that I have seen the beautiful side of you, and that side will always be in his heart so he donate both cornea to her in returning everything to her (her eye)” sand what have i done in return to our beautiful memory? nothing…. all i have done is to break your heart… i am so sorry…. i still love you. i am still very much in love with you.

Stress!!!!! Monday, July 24, 2006

Damn stress today….. because of something happen over at singapore…. this morning gotta rush thing out and till end of day reallise that it wasnt done properly…. damn headache…. sigh…. going to be 4 more day till our anniversary again…. sigh….. then wat? NDP also our dating anniversary…. sigh… next month there will be alot of memory flooding…. this is the second year that i wasnt with you on your birthday…. last year i only manage to be with you 1 day after your birthday… this year i wont be able to make it at all…. and the year after next and the next one and the next…..

24th July 2006 Monday, July 24, 2006

5 more day to our wedding anniversary… there are alot of thing happen these few day….. headache thing… we got problem in singapore…. got to pay more money for some urgent stuff amounting to ten of thousand of dollars… sigh……… still finding out how to upload the clips….

16 july Sunday, July 16, 2006

I was checking my blog stat today and found out that someone actually put a link in his blog to mine…. I was really suprise. really. I would never expect him/her to actually put a link to his/her blog at all. what is more surprising is that there are ACTUALLY SOMEONE read my blog…. i wasnt expecting that. Anyway thanks for the link iin your blog…. by the way I am not a japanese…..:P

This space of mine actually meant for a way for me to voice out what my heart really want to say. because in the environment that i am in, i cant really express my thought and rant about such thing to anyone….

13 day more to the next wedding anniversary…. i miss you….. really hope that we will be able to reunited and live togehter happily again….

13th July 2006 Thursday, July 13, 2006

Just finish meeting at 11+ at nite… wah sooo long meeting…. anyway enough of that work… i got a big headache on it already…. the scenario is like this. the company is trying to employ a highly skill people (let call him HSP), HSP1 is in the marketing department. where else HSP2 is in the technical department. HSP1 and HSP2 used to work together in a government aided company and earning big buck together secretly without the previous company knowledge. now that both HSP1 and HSP2 coming to work in the company, they request alot of thing in which if we approve the request, it is as good as hand over the control of the technical and marketing department to them, need to invest in a new set of equipment and loss control of it. in the worst scenario, HSP1 and HSP2 do the same thing as what they used to do…. how? with the current set of equipment, i can control the situation which prevent them from doing what they used to do in the previous company. but with whatever thing that they request, i will not have the full control. so how? anyway the company very low budget on investing new equipment…. so bopian lor…. thye have to make do with the current set of equipment. another thing is, even if we have the budget, i would push the board of director not to invest…. citing the reason above….

back to personal matter… i am flying off tomorrow as my meeting with the board of director finish today…. further away from my beloved place again…. “I may not be by your side from now till forever, but my heart will always be your, for i still longing to be by your side. no matter where you are. I love you 我爱你” 

10th july 2006 Monday, July 10, 2006

hmmm i am sooo fed up with my staff rite now…. going to fire one of them. there are alot of reason why i want to do so.. first, she bring me nothing but trouble. can say she is the trouble maker in the company. second, she lie to me about work and all. third, she is damn stupid (why a staff need to bring the cheque book home? and the excuse that she gave me is bring home by mistake… wah kao… bring home by mistake…. >:( think i stupid is it?) thing really so simple meh???? sian half… no point tolerate such person…….

another anniversary have pass….. spend another anniversary without able to say the word i love you. or happy anniversary to my wife…. cant turn back now? why must thing turn out to be this way? because i am useless!!!

Happy Anniversary!!!! Sunday, July 9, 2006

wah anniversary twice in a month?? that is our way really. we make it a compulsary every month so it is a monthly anniversary instead. happy 4 year 4 month anniversary… i love you laopo… miss you very much… where are you????

5th july 2006 Thursday, July 6, 2006

our 4 year 4 month anniversary is coming soon. sigh…. today have meeting with new staff, went to see client and collect the payment… whole day work….. went to see the customer site for technical thing and learn new stuff today… phew… what a day!!!!! miss you very much…. wo ai ni

Goodbye!!!! Tuesday, July 4, 2006

in afew hour i will be flying off. this whole trip for me is a trip fill with lots and lots of memories… everywhere i go remind me of the past. my happiest moment. 谢谢你的爱, 我爱你, 我心爱的妻子

Fly away!!! Monday, July 3, 2006

I will be flying back tomorrow. there are work which need to be attend to. sigh…. talking about the work…. I was wondering why my staff is such a bunch of idiot???? for what reason does they have to bring A COMPANY CHEQUE BOOK home? yes i did told them to keep the cheque book, but that doesnt mean you can bring it home…. It is suppose to be kept at the company…. OMG…. they are really hopeless. and best of all, they think that they are super uber smart people. and that the company cannot run without them…. sigh…. bunch of idiot…. cant comprehend english very well…. i wont say i can comprehend english well, but at least i can understand most of it and able to express myself quite well. except my chinese…. they sux big time….

hmmm laopo fly away for 1 month… wonder where to???? and what for???? i wish to know the answer to those.. although i know that there are fat chance that i will know those answer….

you will always be my laopo…. muack… wo ai ni…. take care wor laopo…. miss you

2nd July 2006 Monday, July 3, 2006

what a day. bring back alot of memory for me…. Today went around to orchard to do some shopping, and then watch superman…. watching a movies is not the same anymore… i still remember alot of thing. remember watching movie at GV… lift up the handle and then cuddle each other holding hand, laughing together. now is sitting alone. hugging my own hand the experience is unbearable…. even the street remind me of her….. how like that? maybe should not return here forever? then i wont be thinking of thing? on one hand i do not want to be remind of the painful thing. on the other hand i cant ignore or throw away these feeling…. sad sad sad…..how i wish i never make her suffer in the first place….

try to call her home number, but the number is not in use anymore… make me feel even more uneasy. make me wonder of the future…. if i want to contact my laopo again, how will i be able to do so???? when slowly the contactable number is being off. what will the future hold for the both of us? Like the chinese said “you ai wu yuan” i think i can make a movie base on my own true story and everybody would think that i made it up….. maybe one day i will make a movie base on my own story…..

1st July 2006 Saturday, July 1, 2006

Hmmm got news that my laopo flying oversea, while here i am flying in…. wonder where she is flying to…. i got the urge to just call her home up and ask them where she is, but dare not to. coz of who i am… tsk tsk tsk…. i owe her and her family too much….. does not have the courage to face them now…. sorry. wo ai ni laopo….

24th June!!!! Saturday, June 24, 2006

today went to have lunch at pizza company. a really really late lunch for me. having it at 3…. OMG!!!! anyway i have spaghetti for lunch…. the spaaghetti is not nice at all. the one that my laopo made is nicer, it was a long time ago since she made the spaghetti for me to eat….. now no chance liao….. laopo, i really miss eating the food that you cook for me…. sooo sorry laopo…..

our wedding anniversarry is coming again…. 1 year and 9 months anniversary…. miss you very much…. cant let go…..

hmmmm, life…… Wednesday, June 21, 2006

i think laopo’s sis should already be ROM with her bf. really make me think of that day of our ROM. was our happiest moment together i guess. really think that nothing can replace those moment in my life. I am seeing some life process here…. see a sick person that can depart any time, there is a sadness in my heart…. i seem normal to most. but i know that my heart is engulf in darkness. all because of who i am….. what a pity. i know pretty well that fate is in the hand of yourself. your own happiness is through your own decision, whether you live your life working your ass off, atleast you are happy because you have your love one beside you. and that is more than enough. what i have now? yeah, i admit that i dunt have any lack of $$$$ but what i lack is the ability to chose my own path, i lack the courage to do so. and because of that, i made my most beloved person suffer the most horrible kind of sadness. to tell the person that you love, that you dont love her anymore. it is very painful…..

Headache…….. AGAIN!!!!! Sunday, June 18, 2006

ow…. have you ever sleep so late at nite, wake up at 9 and then working ur ass off till late evening, got no apetite have luch at 3pm, and then wont be able to rest till very late again?. worst of all, i still have the headache and the fever from yesterday…. great…… great work……. what a shitty day. on a day like this, i would love the company of someone very close to me. even just sitting by my side and watch me do thing, or talking to me. i miss those time where i can talk to her anytime, hold her gentle hand and listen to her sweet voice.

That right…. sweet voice. that is what attract her to me. i think i was mesmorise by her sweet voice on the phone. really miss those voice…… wo ai ni laopo

Headaches!!!! Sunday, June 18, 2006

owwww, what a headache. my fever doesnt go away, and worst of all, i got all kind of trouble from everyone. client that want something that pay for less and he expect me to be agreed to him because he think that i need him more than he need me. fact is, i dunt need him, and wether he like it or not. there wont be any discount. since i know that whatever that he is using now is cost him 5000 over dollars which compare to my stuff it only cost him alittle over 1500. rediculous.

another matter is the staff. they are a bunch of idiot. think that they are smart, got no sense of responsibility, doesnt know what is work ethic, and worst of all, they think that they are the only one who can do the work in the company, and no one else will be able to replace them. sigh….. what a headache!!!!!

Work Work Work!!!! Friday, June 16, 2006

Its been afew days since i update this blog. well it seem that everything is going to be stable down. thing at the company is processing toward a better way. internet is stable at home and now is testing on one customer site. so thing are progressing well for a bunch of misfit. all have no experience in running a company. me? what limited experience that i have is what i have done in singapore. work with people there, work in the company and something that is base on personal opinion. the hardest thing is the mindset of the worker, they are still in the slacker category. not in the same wave length as what i have experience. bunch of useless shit. i know that they dunt like me at all. because i always scold them. like i care what they think.

Shut up!!! Friday, June 2, 2006

Maybe i should just shut up about political issue in another country. sigh…. In my country, there are alots of news available for me to read, but i refuse to read. … then i read about other country news, though not much news is there, but why? maybe the other country have already became my home? i think so. atleast home to my memories. sweet sweet memories that i throw away…. wat a pity…. no no no, not just pity. it show what kind of person i am. in other people's eye, they see me as useless person. but in her eye. i am everything. why did i chose to break the one person's heart whom see me as everything???? i cant turn back now can i? even if i can turn back, wat have i done during this time to resolve my problem? nobody can solve my problem except me. and i chose to run away???? Useless bastard!!!!

Politics!!!! Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I hate politic, never ever comment on them and this is just my thought.
last nite at istana “where is it? i been in sg for 10 years and i dunt even know where istana is, piang!!!!” PM speech during the swear-in ceremony. among the content is this phrase which catch my eye. “We must not allow ourselves to be divided between haves and have-nots, or winners and losers … if we let a politics of envy drive a wedge between us, our society will be destroyed, and all will suffer. That must never happen,”

ehhhh aint singaporean not suffering rite now? what with the ERP system to suck out the blood of the population? the strict rule which prevent people from buying house? it seem to me that the law that has been pass on, seem to favour thr rich. correct me if i am wrong. interested to see what the new cabinet is going to achieve.
in another line which i quote MR lee again “But if we grow our economy then incomes can go up, households can afford their utilities bills, and we will have resources to help those in most need,” ehhhh, singapore is suppose to be a developed country rite? how much develop? when their citizen cant afford to pay their utilities bill? does it mean something urgent need to be address by the new cabinet? i suppose doing something about extremely high cost of utilities bill, and lowering the standard of living for the sake of people would be better serve the people. heck i got no say at all anyway, first i aint singaporean, second i aint even live in the country rite now. so why bother? just a work of a sianzzzz mind…. do not take me seriously

29th May 2006 Monday, May 29, 2006

today i have been very unproductive. didnt do a damn single good thing. maybe because today is the "happy anniversary" day. been feeling down all day. shit…. i been longing for sis to post on her blog so that i can see wat she has to talk about my wife. all these while i have been tracking my laopo news from sis's blog. everyday i would visit sis's blog atleast once just to see if there is any news update on my laopo. what a stalker i am….. sad sad sad….

fate or coincident???? Monday, May 29, 2006

is it fate or wat? when i was commenting on the service standard on an earlier post, i was saying about a particular restaurant, and guess wat? my laopo and her family went to the same restaurant in suntec to have lunch and MY laopo was commenting on the same thing that i have post earlier, the service standard of that restaurant and then it happen again. here is wat happen “When I said the world is small, I really mean it. We had lunch at this restaurant that is famous for its soup at Suntec last Friday. Sis was complaining about her previous bad experience with the restaurant while I never had any problems with it. When it happened! The stupid captain took off his jacket in the middle of the restaurant just because it was going to close for the afternoon. And there were like at least 6 tables of people still eating! Ok. Best part is, Mum realised the joint is opened by a family friend. Hohoho! The captain is so going to get it.”

is it fate? what i think and what she think is the same? or is it pure coincident? heck i am not even in sillypore or even contactable to my laopo…

29 May 2006 Monday, May 29, 2006

at work place rite now thinking of the past, you know when my laopo bake cake for me, i didnt really appreciated it, and now? i wish i have those cake that she bake in my hand and eat it, wish that i would have a chance to eat it again… now everything that is good in my entire life just fading away. lost. just like tat. i am sad…

during these half a year stay with my parent, i told my mum one day that she will never be able to find someone who is as perfect as my laopo for me. reason? no one and i mean NO ONE is as perfect as her, she understand what kind of person i am, what i like, she respect me, and love me for who i am, most important of all, she love me and not my money.

my brother always say that he dunt understand why i love my laopo soooo much???? he say that she is not the prettiest around, heck she is not even pretty. why i love her? what he dunt understand is my love for her is not because she is pretty, but because she is who she is. and to truely love a person, he should never love her because of her look. i guess he never found true love…

i am caught in a mess of thing. i cant go back now, and i refuse to move on. my parent think that if i got married again, then i will be able to forget about my laopo. i dunt think so. i at first thought that if i dunt contact my laopo, i will be forget her and i am wrong. and this time, i think thye will be wrong again. why my parent have to be a heart breaker? why do i have to be caught in between? why cant i have both? if i know this is going to happened, i wouldnt dare to talk to my laopo in the first place, but the memories of the time that we spend together is my happiest moment in my life. maybe my biggest regret is not loving her with all my heart, but leaving her for my family…. i think my biggest regret is to leave her on Dec 6th 2005 and on Jan 4 2006…. most important of all is the latter, because that is a heart breaker…. what she have done to herself because of me…… i will never forget. and whoever that is going to marry me. all i can say is i am sorry. i cant give you my love. because i only have 1 love, and it has already been given out. you might get my body, but not my heart, cause it is already dead.

Service standard!!! Friday, May 26, 2006

when i was in sillypore, i have taken noted of the service standard of some restaurant.

okie, i am foreigner in sillypore at that time. u noe, people from outside always give value to singapore standard of service, touted as among the highest standard in the world and all. blah blah blah.

so the system in singapore for rewarding the waiter/waitress for their "great" standard of service is the 10% service charged that is included in your bill. everytime u go to a restaurant to eat, you will be charge 10% service charge, 5% GST (or is it 7% already????) and some uber high class place where they will charge u another 1% CESS charge (can never make out what is the CESS some hotel or restaurant charge, can someone tell me?)

okie, after all this being said, so wat is it i wanna talk about the services standard in singapore???? well once too many time when i went out to dine with my wife, we find the service not really that good, frustrating waiter/waitress bad services and we are force to pay the 10% services charge for bad service…..

there is one occation where we went to take the sky train from world trade center to sentosa (u noe what i mean) went into this so call restaurant in the open space near the stage. we go in with hand in hand and my free hand is holding on to a cup of soya milk we bought earlier.

was told by the waiter/waitress that we cant bring in outside food and drinks. i was like okie lor, so u suppose i should go around and find dustbin and throw it away? not like we are not eating or anything. we did order quite a big feast which amounting to atleast $30+ and we dont even drink a drop from the soya milk that we have bought. the time taken from the ordering to the food being delivered to our table take damn long, so long that other table sat about 15 minutes after we ordered and their food arrive first… a case of discrimination? or pure bad services? on top of that i have to give u tip (10% service charges)???

another case is when we went to suntec city, it was like 9pm+ and me and my wife both have not had our dinner, so we went into soup restaurant to have our dinner since my wife want some soup to drink (maybe she miss mummy's soup?) we went in, order our food and wait… shortly after our food arrive the bill was put on our table and was told to pay up (we havent even half finish our food) they cite the reason that the restaurant is closing…. so i look at the bill and O_O what the fuck… 10% services charge for this type of services???? spoil our appetite. so lan lan paid up and leave with half empty stomach and a lot of grumble.

what happen above is the example of bad services in singapore…. so i have this sugguestion to the singapore tourism board…. give the 10% service charge to those qualify outlet which is conform to good service requirement standard set by the singapore tourism board to make sure that the services standard in singapore is high. and that they deserve the tips. so how do the STB know that which outlet conform to their service standard and will not produce bad service to spoil singapore image? the license can be a yearly basis where there will be routine check by the STB assign personel to test out the service by each outlet. if found that the services standard is below par, their license will be revoke immediately and they cant charge the 10% service charges anymore.

i know alot of people would like to apply for this position. atlest i know my wife would love to apply for it. reason? she love good food. heehee….